By: Anna Merezhko, April 28, 2017
To my best friend,
I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry that this pain is a part of life. I am sorry that I can’t grieve with you the way that you grieve. We’ve experienced so much together. Our lives were often parallel. We would go through things at the same time and we’d think it was the weirdest thing. The tiniest details in our life would coincide and we considered it a blessing because we had someone to share our troubles with, but our lives started slowly drifting into different directions. Now you’re here, feeling one of the deepest pains you can feel and I’m completely useless.
I don’t want to leave you be but I feel like I’m abandoning you- like I’m leaving you alone to fend your deepest sadness. All I can be is a crying shoulder. I can offer a temporary relief- keep your mind off of it for an hour or two. Unfortunately, the reality remains the same and it’s causing you pain.
I wish I could take it away and feel it for you. You told me that you wish you could wake up from this nightmare. You wish it wasn’t real. You thought that person would be there forever. You said it was naive of you to think so, but all of us think that way. We think death won’t be a part of our lives. We think we will somehow remain unscathed by it- it will pass us by. Until it doesn’t.
I haven’t lost a person that close to me before, so I can’t comprehend what you’re going through and I feel guilty for it. I know I eventually will. Death is a part of life. I just wish I experienced it so I would know what would help. But I have no idea what to say. I have no idea what words to use to ease your pain. That pain is too deep.
People often say that the worst thing you can say to someone after a death is “everything happens for a reason (or for the better,)” as if that person’s death was made the world a better place. All I can think of, is to say to embrace the pain and sadness. You need to grieve but you’re keeping yourself occupied with school and work.
So this is for you and anyone else that is feeling the absence of someone you lost. You need to grieve and let yourself feel the pain of that death. I know you weren’t able to be at her funeral, so envision yourself there now, completely alone. The sun is setting and you’re in front of her gravestone. Picture all the good memories you had with her and imagine she is standing in front of you. What would you want her to know? What would you want to say? What would be the perfect goodbye? Say it out loud.
You won’t forget her. That grief won’t ever fully go away but please know that there are people here who care about you and need you. You’ll survive this. You always do.
I love you.