An Open Letter to All of My Homework

By Taylor Blasko

Dear All My Schoolwork for the Rest of the Semester,

Who is completing you? Because it ain’t gonna be me. It’s a hard no.

Just because you’re literally the last few papers and projects standing between me and my bachelor’s degree, doesn’t mean you’re special.

I’m not completing you. Like seriously, haven’t I done enough work for these classes that we can all just agree that I’ll pass? Like look at all the work I’ve put into all my previous classes before these ones. Sure, these ones might be going to the shitter, but at least I did really good in that one class three semesters ago. Shouldn’t I be rewarded?

I have seniorities, obviously whatever I end up handing in isn’t going to be my best work. I know that, the professors know that, and you should know it too. Don’t be offended when I half ass you, it’s not you, it’s me. You deserve all my time and attention but it just ain’t happening. Did I mention I graduate in literally LESS THAN THIRTY DAYS PEOPLE. LESS THAN 30. LIKE WHAT.

You know what I did the other day? I literally laid you all out. All of you guys. I laid you out on my computer, I opened every single word document and powerpoint presentation that needed to be completed between now and the end of the year. You know what I came up with? A lot of blank word documents and an anxiety attack. Thanks…but no thanks.

Because really, we are at the point where even if I do none of my work for the rest of the semester…like I can’t fail right? We are more than halfway through which means I’ve done more than half the work…that’s means for not an F right? Like maybe a D, but not an F…so that’s reassuring. Maybe? Shhhh, I know that finals are like more than half my grade sometimes, but shhhh we don’t need to talk about it.

I also just want to apologize. As I’ve said, it’s me not you. I’m sure completing you would be valuable to my education. I’m sure the assignments are worthwhile. My teachers aren’t the kind that assign pointless busy-work type work. So yea, should I take my work seriously. Probably the answer is definitely I should. But I think I’m at the point where I don’t know that my care about education exceeds my care to sleep. And to be a lazy piece of shit. And to not leave my bed [see my previous love letter to my bed, there is really a love affair going on there. I can’t leave my bed].

In conclusion, I’m probably going to look back on this last semester and think, wow, that wasn’t even that much work. I should have just shut my mouth and done the work. I should have put more time into that project because it’s actually relevant to my graduate coursework. Wow why was I such a piece of shit. And yet with all that awareness…senioritis goes on…

Best,

Lazy Ass Senior Who’s Had Enough Of This Shit.

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