By Taylor Blasko
Admittedly, even getting my ass off my bed to go to this event was a form of adulting all its own, but I made it out to the Class of 2017’s Senior event “Adulting 101” this past Wednesday, February 1st, and I’m sort of glad I went.
Upon walking through the door I checked in and was given a schedule of events, a “life after school explained” handbook, as well as a cute little sewing kit. There were also various papers, fliers, and tips scattered around on things like how to sew on a button (how nice of them, they didn’t leave me in the dark with the sewing kit) and a paper with “five life hacks” that outlined things such as how to do your laundry, how to wake up in the morning, and how to not be a dumbass and eat rotten eggs. Okay, I know, I sound bitter, but some of it was valuable, like, I really didn’t know that you could put a ball of foil in the dryer, let alone have it fix the whole static problem. Who knew?
The real draw to this event was that there was alcohol. I won’t lie. I mean, Pinot Grigio and Riesling—right up my alley. As well as some on tap beer served by Doylestown Brewing Company. But as with any school event we were still mandated to wear those obnoxious neon yellow wristbands with the three pull-off tabs to limit our alcohol intake. Ironic, huh? A seminar on adulting where they still feel like they need to police us as irresponsible children.
Okay, so in fairness I am in fact an irresponsible, clueless child. This I soon discovered as I walked into the first seminar about benefits at your first job presented by DelVal’s HR department. Here we talked about insurance, insurance, and more insurance. About how we should always look for good benefits at a job. About how a good benefits package can be worth more than a few thousand dollars more in salary. About how we need to start saving for retirement and how we should open a 401K ASAP. But about how, don’t worry, you’re covered under your parents until you’re 26 as long as you’re an eligible, claimable dependent. But mostly about how this is all because of the Affordable Care Act, and well, considering our current political climate, I kind of felt like everything I learned here was a moot point. Did I mention there was alcohol?
The next painful thing I sat in on was the seminar presented by CSPD on salary negotiation for your first big kid job. Here we were bombarded with sly tactics on how to make it seem like you don’t just want the highest pay you can get (but really who doesn’t want the highest pay they can get? Seriously, am I doing life wrong?). We were presented with tactics to avoid answering questions directly that might make you look bad, such as “how much did you get paid at your previous job?” Hell if I remember, just give me the monies that everyone else here gets, seriously, I will grovel on my hands and knees. Kidding, kidding….
The most depressing seminar that I sat in on was by far the seminar presented by DelVal’s Financial Aid office about loan repayment. As we all realized that our lives were going to spiral into a deep, dark abyss very, very soon for the next 25 years, give or take, I think everyone sipped a lot more of that wine real fast.
The last seminar that I sat in on was with a local realtor talking about renting and buying apartments/homes. What I gathered from this was basically that if you have good credit you’re good to go. I do in fact have good credit. It was the least depressing seminar there which was a good thing because by this time I had run out of neon yellow alcohol tabs.