The Witch Review

This thing might be the GOAT people. I shit ye ne. The Witch is a really great movie on a number of different levels. The acting is incredible. The story is captivating, the camerawork is mesmerizing, and the music is equally on point. I believe there was a Stanley Kubrick obelisk scene shriekers appearance. Whenever you hear that, you know it’s time to watch a real god damn good movie. Everytime, never fails.  

So, a man chooses exile rather than agreeing to interpret the New Testament in the most popular manner. Pretty hardcore decision considering this is before electricity, and like grocery stores, when I’d imagine there was more than social status at stake in banishment. Also, his wife and family must stand by his decision to do so despite the fact that it meant they would wander into the woods, as a family, and find a nice clearing, with good soil, and then start building a new home from scratch. Oh and one more thing, the script is in Old English. Not the easiest roles of all time here, but everyone pulls theirs off convincingly. A lot of child actors/actresses did impressive jobs. I’d say that whenever child actors/tresses do  as well as they did in this movie (not particularly knowledgeable of the movie-making process but..), probably the director deserves most of the credit. Or maybe the psychotic parent of the 8 year old with brilliant classical acting skills. Whatever the case may be, kudos worthy.  Even like, whoever played the witch in the 30 second clip when you actually get to see her in all her grossitude, and the goat. They both killed it too. Seriously (again.. not a film major), I think that might be the best goat actor ever. If you like good acting, I imagine you’d probably enjoy The Witch.

I think the moral of the story is that evil is also powerful, and sometimes wins, and maybe to just relax a little. He couldn’t just let it slide, the whatever about the bible, no not this guy. But I mean, if the correct answers get you into heaven (which lasts way longer than our mortal lives presumably), and the book with all the answers is mostly about doing the right thing in the face of wrongness, it’s understandable for him to mistake his people’s reinterpreting of the bible for a test sent from God to prove his worth and moral fortitude. There’s only one problem, God totally doesn’t help them, not even in little Mel Gibson in Signs kinds of ways. I mean like, the plagues befall these poor fucks, and they’re praying the whole time. Whole god damned time Nothing. Maybe God didn’t care, maybe he was busy working on China or somewhere. We’ll never know! Just a really haunting story. One of the best movies I’ve ever seen. 10/10

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