Oh, by the way, did you notice we are evolving into the planet of the apes. Great. This is part six.

This blog is focused on how the sixth movie, which was originally slated to be directed by Oliver Stone, was created to cash in on the success of the franchise and almost killed it off. In the first blog I said I would call Planet of the Apes 1968 after the year it was made. I did this because of the movie I am reviewing in this blog, also named Planet of the Apes. So we will use the same naming convention and call this movie 2001. 2001 does have some good things going for it, but ultimately it is the worst, worst by far, of all of the Planet of the Apes movies. It is the Star Wars Holiday Special of Planet of the Apes movies, for those who have had to and lived through it. (aside: if you never heard of Star Wars Holiday Special your life is better than it could be.)

The story is a remake of the plot from the original movie, astronaut gets lost and doesn’t realize he has been on Earth the whole time (INAPPROPRIATELY PLACED SPOILER ALERT) and meets apes who talk. Things that are good about this movie: visuals and special effects. Tim Burton was the Director so this is no surprise to anyone familiar with his work. Things that are bad about this movie: virtually everything else. The story is bad and the ending is UNFORGIVABLY BAD. I can’t keep thinking about it bad.

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The main reason that 2001 connects to the world we live in is that in the moments when life seems totally, horribly oppressive we can take solace in the idea that somewhere in an uncivilized world some model in a forest has impeccable lipstick despite her cruel slave-master simians.

Can I say that at the time I did not realize how much the female apes looked odd? It really did not hit my attention until many years later, bug I can now say i think the attempt was to make them look empathetic by way of eye makeup and eyelashes and… well, take a look at this.

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There is no redeeming quality of this movie except the small points I made. This makes me sad and make me worry about all of us. Come on, just blow us up already, willya?

 

NEXT TIME: Oh, by the way, did you notice we are evolving into the planet of the apes. Great. This is part seven. Coming soon!

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