Sick and Tired and Tired and Sick

Maybe it’s the stress of my final semester getting to me, maybe it’s finally wising up to comments people throw my way, maybe it’s hormones, or perhaps it’s my inconsistent blood sugars. Or there’s the possibility that I’m too much of a push-over, a lost voice, that I’m the baby of the family, or I’m just plain tired of life. Let’s face it, I might be completely irrational for thinking this way and sulking around…

…but at what point do we let people and their words dictate our lives and cause us to temporarily break.

As you can see, I’ve tried to play devil’s advocate with myself, but there isn’t a possible answer that will stop this rant from occurring.

  • “Just be happy/find the happy/ snap out of it.” -In regards to depression
  • “Just relax” -In regards to anxiety
  • “You don’t need a doctor for *x/y/z*”- about anything
  • “You’re not an introvert” -because I’m a Communications major
  • “You’re going to be the first person they lay off” -because I’m going into a ‘useless field’

And this is the tip of the tip of the iceberg from the 22 years’ worth of irrational commentary.

And if any of my reasoning is true (which the possibility of it being a combination of those things shouldn’t be ruled out), then I’m fine with accepting that fact, but nonetheless, it’s a damn shame that people’s words bring us down, hurt us, and sometimes break us.

Because what I want to know is this: who are you to give authorization and authentication of who I am and what goes on in my life, or anyone’s life. I like to think I’m used to it; I’m the youngest on both sides of my family so since day one I haven’t had a voice about my life, but the sad truth is my heart and feelings still aren’t callused as I’d hope they’d be. But what’s worse than that, is that I’ve gotten to the point that I wish I was callused.

And I hate that I want that- to be numb to my own family’s words, but the truth of the matter is, I’m so incredibly tired of being told who I am and am not, if I’ll be successful or not, or if I need something or not.

So to everyone who dictates my life, or anyone else’s,

please kindly go sit on a cactus.

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