Hello, my name is Aria and I am a serial dater. Or was. You get the idea.
This is the most single I have been in a long time. By most single, I mean I am not dating anyone, I am not “talking” to a soul, with no prospective matches even remotely on the horizon. This has been going on for quite a while and I gotta say I’m pretty darn happy.
Being with someone for the better part of four years, this lifestyle change was a lot for me. These past four years of being in a relationship (basically) have not been spent with the same guy, which is where the serial dating aspect comes in. I spent two years with one, one with another, then a series of failed attempts summed up the remaining year.
I obviously like to be with someone. It took me a long time to realize that being with the wrong person, in my opinion, is worse than being single. I used to hate the idea of being alone. I used to talk to guys just to have someone there. i would hop from guy to guy, almost always having one lined up right after the next. I could feel on some level that they were not the right fit for me, but I pushed through anyway trying to make it work. It took me twenty years of life to realize how I was living was not the healthiest.
I let guys into my life that had no business being there. I mean, I learned lessons from each and every one of them, but most of them are common sense (i.e. if a guy says he isn’t looking for a relationship and you are, please peace out and save yourself the grief). It took me a long time to be comfortable with the fact that I could be single and be happy. The two are not mutually exclusive.
I’m not saying I’m a completely reformed individual; of course I still want to be with someone. Those feelings have not gone away. Somewhere along the way though, I started to ask myself some hard questions. Like did I see myself with this person long-term? Or did I just want someone to cuddle and watch movies with? I have not been the best girlfriend by any means, so I figured it was better late than never for a little self-reflection.
These questions make me sound shallow as hell, but when I was in these relationships, I didn’t feel like I was in the wrong. I felt just fine. I was happyish. I then realized I didn’t want to be happyish. I want to be just plain happy. I know relationships are hard; they’re not always rainbows and butterflies. I fell in love with the idea of people, not the person they actually were. I wanted someone so badly I was okay with overlooking the little details.
Now though, I really know what I am worth. I thought I knew before, but I was wrong. Not everyone needs to be single to realize this, but I really did. I needed that clarity, and now I finally have it. I am not jumping into a relationship headfirst like I used to, or stick around when I shouldn’t. I still want a relationship, but I am finally okay with waiting for that special someone to come into my life. I’ll probably be waiting a while, but I know it’ll all be worth it in the end. Go me.